"I
knew I loved you the moment I saw you. I could see Jesus in you,"
an older man at church told me this past Sunday. I cried, of course.
It was the sweetest things anyone had every said to me (well, second
to Solomon telling me I looked like an angel right after Naomi was
born).
My
tears were also pouring because it felt incredibly untrue. I felt
shame and guilt, because this sweet old man, if he only knew what a
terrible mother I am, how downright mean I can be to those tiny
blessings sometimes, he wouldn't say that. I'm certain he would be
appalled and call social services on me. Or burn me at the stake. We
are in quaker country, after all.
Paul
wrote to Timothy, "Here is
a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came
into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst."
(I Tim 1:15) Do you ever feel like you're the worst of sinners? I do,
pretty much daily, as a mother. It sometimes seems to me that my
children exist only to remind me of how fallen I truly am. They
constantly show me how selfish, how mean, how angry, how impatient I
am.
But
it's exhausting walking in condemnation. In Shane & Shane's song,
"Embracing Accusations" (honestly... I don't care for the
song, but I love the lyrics), it says, "I hear [Satan]
saying cursed are the ones who can't abide/He's right/Alleluia he's
right!" Yes, halleluja, I can't abide by the Law! Because, as
the end of the song says, "Singing the first verse so
conveniently/He's forgotten the refrain/Jesus saves!"
Christ
tells us that he did not come to abolish the Law, but to fulfill it
(Matt 5:17). What does that mean, though? It is impossible for
us, as humans, to uphold the Law. So the purpose of the Law is
to show us that we need a savior. It points out all of our
imperfections, our inability to "be good." Christ paid our
debt of sin, though. So we can now walk in freedom, knowing that,
while, yes, we will still stumble in this life, we do not have to
fear death and separation from God.
I'm
still not sure how or why that sweet old man sees Jesus in me, I'm
not worthy of such a compliment, but I do know I am not condemned.
I couldn't agree more with you about why our kids exist. When we were leaving t-town, people were constantly telling us what a great job we did with the teens. If they only knew how many times I yelled at them to stop doing stupid things, or how much our heart would break as we would watch some walk away from Jesus, I wonder if they would still tell us we did a great job.
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